i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
