walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
