Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
