Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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