there's paper in my vomit.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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