I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
