I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
