If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
