i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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