Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
