Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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