Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
only you would photoshop your dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
