Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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