Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
