Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
