Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
