two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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