those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
