you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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