I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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