I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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