but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize