What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
