I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
