When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
