We're like a lot better than the average bears
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
