so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
