How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
