My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
