I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
