Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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