Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
