Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
