Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
