my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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