You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
