the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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