Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
