I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
