Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
