fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
