Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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