Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We got so high we made milksteak
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
