Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
