Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
