Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
