you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
