I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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