Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
