i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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