So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
