my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
