Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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