hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
