even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
