nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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