i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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