I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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