ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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