ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
