For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
