That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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