Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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