Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
God, I missed his penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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