And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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