So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize