yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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