I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
