Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
