Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
