I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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