Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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