you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
